38. Lies begin

That night, Guo Zhi sat on the bed, he printed all the photos he had taken recently, and spread them on the bed.  Carefully sort through all the photos and put them in an envelope, take a pen and write Shi Xi's name while lying on his stomach and swinging his legs. He took a bite of the pen cover, looked at the envelope for a long time before sending a short message to Shi Xi

[ Where is your home address? I want to send something.  ]

Wait for a while, still no reply. Guo Zhi typed a new message.

[ Don't worry, I won't steal your things. Or I'll give you my home address so that if you lose something later, you can find me. ]

Guo Zhi sent his home address and still no reply, maybe Shi Xi is busy or his cellphone is off.

He slipped the envelope under the pillow.

Zhou Hui entered Guo Zhi's room with a blanket, "The weather is getting colder now it looks like it will snow so mom brings extra blankets."

"Let me do it."  Guo Zhi sat on the bed.

Zhou Hui had already taken over to tidy up Guo Zhi's bed, "Get up quickly, let me do it before your father comes home and say I spoiled you again." Guo Zhi nodded, got up from the bed and stood next to his mother, Zhou Hui put down a blanket, took a pillow and patted it and saw a pale yellow envelope. She wanted to take it but it didn't happen after seeing Guo Zhi's panicked face.

Zhou Hui smiled, "Seeing you like that, is this for your lover?"

Guo Zhi took the envelope and did not speak. Zhou Hui brought the old blanket to the door and suddenly turned around. She looked at Guo Zhi with a look that seemed to have so many things in her eyes, she asked cautiously, "Guo Zhi, is that a girlfriend, right?" Zhou Hui's question implied fear and concern, but it pierced Guo Zhi. Nobody cares about his feelings, they only care about gender.

"Yes, it's a girl, but not a lover, just a close friend." So a lie begins, knowing that such lies will be more and more in the future, but before they are ready to face them, is there any other way besides lying? Only on this issue, Guo Zhi could no longer be like a child, could not confuse him with his sense of candor.

He can't hurt his family. He was afraid of that memory, and the most frightening thing for him was that his father would ruin his feelings for Shi Xi. He will do it, surely it will. So, Guo Zhi will lie and continue to lie.

Not only for the sake of his love but also his family.

Zhou Hui knew that Guo Zhi would not disappoint her again, so she was sure it was not a lie. She laughed with relief.  "That's good."

That's good, then, okay? Zhou Hui's words seemed to inadvertently reach out her hand to push the pain from behind.

Guo Zhi saw his mother busy in the kitchen, he called Shi Xi.

"Shi Xi." His voice soft and warm.

There was a pause before Shi Xi responded, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

The sound of turning the key came from the front door. Guo Zhi quickly said, "I'll tell you later." He hurriedly returned the cellphone into his pants pocket.

After going out for tea with friends, Guo Yunyong returned and began watching TV on the sofa. Guo Zhi sat across from him, and he could guess Guo Yunyong's eyes what would be discussed. The last time he saw a male partner in a mall raised a worry that always hid in his heart. He worried that one day Guo Zhi would repeat the same mistake. Fooling ownself and being ignorant about wanting to be with a man. Now, after thinking that, he became uneasy.

"What were your thoughts about homosexuality at the mall?" Guo Yunyong still asked, and Guo Zhi was stunned. He did not expect to be confronted suddenly about this problem. He was silent, and Guo Yunyong kept asking, "Do you think they are disgusting?" This is a veiled question, but it is more frontal than Zhou Hui.

Cruel! Guo Zhi squeezes his hand, does he have to answer it himself and admit his feelings are disgusting? Guo Zhi doesn't want to lie, never wants to!

"But you didn't teach me to say bad things to other people."

"That's what people see, they should be shy, and they are shameless."  Guo Yunyong's sentiments towards others but all words are like a whip for Guo Zhi.

"People like that don't deserve sympathy."  Guo Yunyong continued with a bit of excitement and it made him act hard. Guo Zhi knows that his father is like that.

Zhou Hui beside Guo Zhi said, "Don't say that, there is a girl Guo Zhi likes now. What do you think?"

Guo Yunyong doesn't react much. He looked at Guo Zhi. "You're a grown up boy. I can't manage too much in things like this, but don't affect your studies."

"I know." Hearing the answer, Guo Yunyong's heart lightened. He and Zhou Hui felt the same way. Guo Zhi's character will not lie, never deceive them.

Immediately, Guo Zhi realized he was alone, his family seemed to only think of themselves and others feelings, the lies were stacked in harmony.

Isn't their attitude towards this problem too clear? Only Guo Zhi foolishly hopes that over time, they will receive a little, then become tolerant. But reality has destroyed his fantasy, and there is a voice in his heart that laughs at him, "Don't dream, they won't bless your love, only curse your love, don't dream, wake up, open your eyes, erase it all."

Guo Yunyong went to the kitchen to help Zhou Hui. Guo Zhi returned to the room, closed the door, and took out his cellphone with the call still connected, "Did you hear it?"


"I don't mean to lie, I don't want to confess my feelings ..." Guo Zhi wanted to explain.

"Don't say it, Guo Zhi." Shi Xi hears their conversation and wants to meet Guo Zhi's family, but what can he do? He immediately met Guo Zhi's family and met his father, then cried and beg for his approval. That's too unrealistic. The time hasn't arrived yet. He doesn't even have anything to consider right now. After all, it was only childish hope.

When Shi Xi is familiar with reality, the people who live in it have been played with worldly cheers, but the devil is not in the world. He fell asleep below, and one day he will hold the world.

Guo Zhi paused for a moment, "And I'm also afraid of dad's rattan, it hurts so much."

"Guo Zhi, just wait for me, wait until I break the rattan."

"Well, I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you." Guo Zhi squeezed his cellphone, nodded in despair, his eyes blurred.

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