14. Can this special love have a good side?

Both are on vacation but not like people who enjoy holidays in general. All they do is stay in the hotel room. Shi Xi sat on the bench near the window with his feet on his feet. He continued to stare at the laptop screen that lights up sometimes writing lots of sentences but in the end didn't know what to write. Can someone write all their lives? Maybe when you're tired of repeating words, that's the best way to find the right time to end it. Guo Zhi sat in front of Shi Xi, staring at the manuscripts scattered on the table, scribbled on used paper.

[ He has the appearance of a city person, he has a famous voice, he has gold and silver jewelry, he is wrapped in satin brocade, but also has a heartbreaking loneliness.

He smiled in front of the guests with a smile, but also with a smile like that to let different men and women pollute their bodies, this is his mask, unable to survive without taking off. He smiled and laughed, laughed and tears flowed from his eyes, no matter who was hugged or who he hugged, could not reduce his loneliness.  Finally, he decided to leave. He ran away with his loneliness.

He felt very relaxed. He thought everything would start again. But one person wants to start this idea again, and in the end it's just a good hope. However, he was captured by some brave men who were sent by the old man. They tore his satin brocade, took his gold and silver jewelery, smashed his face with a knife, his body was crushed, and finally it was cold.  The tip of his knife pierced his heart, his blood flowed out, his body slowly began to cool, he got short freedom, and he died forever.  He was kicked into a dirty trench and drowned.

God arranges fate for everyone, thinking that he can run away, what can he do after running away? He can enjoy his reputation. His gold and silver jewelery, he could ignore this loneliness, he naively thought he could save himself. In the end, he can't even feel lonely. ]

Guo Zhi read while supporting his chin with his elbows resting on the paper. He then looked at Shi Xi who was looking out the window. "Shi Xi, why do you write fiction with sentences that are so heavy? Do you also want people who read them to feel heavy too?"

"The world itself is already heavy."

"Then," Guo Zhi looked at the object outside the window then looked back at Shi Xi. "Help the world to reduce pain, words can not only warm others, but also yourself."

They were only separated by a table but Guo Zhi could not see the faint smile on Shi Xi's face.

At 11am both of them went out and stopped at a small restaurant. They don't talk, just enjoy food quietly. Guo Zhi wanted to open a conversation, but his sentence was held back. He thought of his father's rules about impolite speech while eating. Rules like this really curb his freedom.

The rules in the family and his desire to talk to Shi Xi raged in his mind. Guo Zhi can't take it anymore. He bit his chopsticks. "Shi Xi." Just calling out the man's name made Guo Zhi very happy.


"Shi Xi, Shi Xi, Shi Xi ..." He kept calling that name  Rules that have long been followed are now broken. Guo Zhi immediately felt a little relieved. After that, he did many things that he could not do and think before.

"Shi Xi, maybe you are my angel."

"Don't make I lose my appetite."

..."I saw a little child in his mother's arms over there. Very cute."

..."Shi Xi, what do you think about school and college? Are they the same?"

..."Shi Xi, how much do you think I will grow taller this year?"

Guo Zhi continues to talk no matter eventhough Shi Xi doesn't answer. People come and go in the restaurant. A sparkling smile printed on Guo Zhi's face. Old anecdotes discuss the present. Talking with Shi Xi, he held chopsticks, they sat by the window filled with a crowd of people passing by. But around them as if the blurred object was only the two that were clearly visible.

We always have the desire to tell someone, without stopping, even if the language is repeated, is meaningless, but Guo Zhi just wants to talk to him.

After eating, both of them stood in the hot sun, not knowing where to go. They have no purpose. A couple passes them with happy faces and interlocked hands. Guo Zhi suddenly made a sound. "Don't you think about writing love story?"

"Nothing can be written."

"That's because you never try to know love."

"After finding someone, then?"

"Of course live happily!" Guo Zhi believes that happiness is the end of a love story.  He continued innocently, "Love is a good thing. I think everything has a good side."

"We enjoy time, then? It will only become a memory. How can it survive only with memories?" It breaks Guo Zhi's innocence who wants to enjoy every moment and Shi Xi cares more after that.

"Have you ever had someone?"


"Then find someone good for you." Said Guo Zhi while kicking a pebble. "You should date a girl and try to fall in love. That will help you write a script." Guo Zhi doesn't want to say this sentence. He wants to pull the sentence back after he reflexively said it. Guo Zhi did not understand this thought and he did not want to understand. Maybe Guo Zhi is afraid to understand.

"Try to whom? You? Then you will have a happy ending." Shi Xi's response was insistent.

Hearing that, Guo Zhi's expression was stiff. He shook his head strongly. "I can't. I'm a boy." Strictly speaking.

Shi Xi watched Guo Zhi's reaction and seemed to have noticed what it was.  Either he was born with evil or not, or he finally succeeded in breaking Guo Zhi's emotions.

"But don't you like me?"

The question immediately caused pain.  Guo Zhi's face was pale, his hand raised uncontrollably slapping Shi Xi. "No, what are you saying? I don't like you. I'm not gay."

Guo Zhi looked at Shi Xi with tears flowing. His expression was pale and trembling. He screamed hysterically. "I'm not gay. I'm not gay. In this life the thing I hate the most is being gay." After saying that, Guo Zhi run away.

Shi Xi wants to see another expression on that face besides a smile. Now he sees it but he regret it.

Guo Zhi ran fast. His fingers trembled he could not hold anything. Not only the external body, internal organs also feel pain.

Will be seen strange by people, will be ridiculed. Will be treated like a monster, will be blasphemed by everyone including their own biological parents.

So can this special love have a good side?  No, no...


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